"Never Plead Guilty"

I am Mark Brandon Read, but most characters like to call me "Chopper." There are a few obscure theories as to how I got my nickname, some reckon it is from an old cartoon, some say it is because I use to cut off the toes of others, while there are those that say it is because I had someone cut my ears off in jail. Maybe they are all right! Maybe they are all wrong! Who really cares.

For the record, it is because someone cut my ears off when I was in Melbourne's elite bluestone college - more commonly known as Pentridge. For some insane reason, some upstanding members of that institution were out to hurt me. I summoned all my manners to politely suggest to the screws that I be transfered from H division. They declined and said there was no way I would be getting a transfer, so I made the simple decision that ears off = transfer. Believe me, it works.

Note - For those that think this webpage is going to cover all the little intricate details and stories of my love, that I have told in my book...keep dreaming. If you want to know details about my life and why I am what I am, I suggest that you buy my books. I haven't busted my hump for hour upon hour just to shoot myself in the foot now and give it all to you for free. No, no, no, that would be quite ridiculous. Instead, this site will be my initial foray into the cyberworld. Here I can sell products and provide you with details of what is happening in my immediate life. It is my international address, my very own "Chopper command centre" if you will.

Now the Chopper movie is another little fable which in principle resembles my life. It is a mixture of fact and fiction and at times a bit of friction, but one character from that movie does exist. His name is Nevile Bartos. Now I have known Neville for 25 years. Neville has saved my hide numerous times and without doubt if he hadn't been around, I wouldn't either. I know that Melbourne has its hard and tough men, as does every other place in the world, but this man is the "THE KING". Now Neville is an Albanian and for those of you with a little knowledge about war, you would know that the Russians for many years, used Albanians as their assassins. These people are totally loyal and totally dangerous. Let's just say Neville is no exception.

Neville "gold shoes" Bartos, what an old chestnut. I don't want to step on any toes , but as the name suggests this man has done to attire, what Jack the Ripper did to late night shopping. I mean, any more gold on this mans shoes, and it would be Australia's second goldrush. I don't know to whom he poses the greatest threat, to certain individuals or to the fashion industry. His fashion sense, shoes particularly, are...well.....interesting to say the least!

I have lived a different life of sorts. I am 48 years old and have spent 23 years in jail. A movie based on my life, funnily enough called Chopper, was made in 2000. Since my last visit as a guest of her Royal Majesty in Tasmania's "Big House" Risdon Prison, I have entered my "second life." This has seen me unload my guns (including pistol, shotgun and a few childish goodies such as gellagnite and grenades), empty my holsters and make the obvious and common step of turning from Australia's most notorious underworld hitman (....alleged.....) to an international media mogul of sorts.

As Australia's most-credentialed crime novelist I have released 10 best selling crime books, 1 childrens book, made a television commercial for the Pedestrian Council of Australia which won a Gold Lion at the Cannes International Festival, have done numerous television and radio interviews and I have released my own music CD's - including the latest rap extravaganza - Machete. Please allow me to add - I have also had my portrait entered into the Archibald Prize 4 years running - Who said crime doesn't pay. I now have two things in common with Van Gogh. My books are also the most shoplifted in Australia - quite a unique little honor. Before I move on, I should not forget, I am just like most of you - I am also a devout beer conniseaure.

Yes I am Mark Brandon Chopper Read - "Star of the Underworld,"- and after 23 years in jail and having been Australia's most notorious underworld hitman, I am finally strarting to get recognition. Do not get me wrong, I am just a regular bloke who, through his own means, has tried to do his bit for society.

All this. It's a bit of a joke isn't it? I'd be quite silly to take all this seriously wouldn't I? I'd get quite carried away with myself. I often sit back and just have a little giggle at the whole thing, because someone like me just isn't meant to make it like this. Society has a little heirarchial structure where only people from affluent backgrounds, or learnid individuals, succeed. I just thought to hell with all of this, I'm doing it my way.

All of this, and I have never worked an honest days labour in my life. Aaaahhh, the Great Australian Dream, who said it is hard to achieve.

But don't get me wrong, for a one time toe-cutter, knee-capper and killer of 19 men (in my lighter moments), swapping my four ten for a HB2.0 is not without it's price. It could happen someday, that someone asks me for my autograph and while I'm busying myself with the pen, they put a bullet in my head. Not really a desirable outcome for me is it!

Even though history has been quoted as saying "the pen is mightier than the sword," I would still prefer the sword, plus a pistol, shotty and dynamite. I have often been heard likening myself to a leopard. They never changes their spots, they just get older. My spots haven't changed, I have just gotten older and the spots have slightly faded. I'll never change. I'll always be the same person I always was. It's just that I don't do the things I used to do. After all, even you must admit, they are a little naughty.

Now the movie has me saying "...who said crime doesn't pay...." I must take this opportunity to ask you fine citizens, you little students of life, if you have heard of the "Chopper Read amendments" to both the New South Wales and Victorian laws. These "do-as-we-like" governments have approved new legislation to stop criminals from earning royalties from books and movies about their offences. If you don't mind officer, passing new laws at will, purely to stop profiteering from crime. What a truly darstardly deed. Is this aimed purely at me?......every criminal?............who? I think to ensure thoroughness, this law should be made retrospective. Then all Henry Lawson's (Australia's great poet) books can be removed from every library and burned, because after all, he did a hell of a lot of his writing while he was in Darlinghurst Prison. I mean the philosophy behind some of these decisions is ridiculous and quite small minded.

This new legislation allows Crown prosecuters to take legal action to seize all profits from such a venture. It would then go into a fund for victims of crime. Victims of crime? Victims of "bloody" crime, bye gosh, what they don't stop to realise is that I've only maimed and injured those that deserve it - hardened criminals. I've made half of these bloody crims rich, as they have successfully applied for moneys as a victim of crime. Now they intend to make the coffers even bigger. Another of life's little irony's. Bizarre in every sense. I guess that is what makes this country so great. Victims of crime?...Unreal. Why don't they introduce something like the victims of fame. I would find this to be quite fantastic!

You may agree that my life has been quite extraordinary. I don't condone what I have done, but it is in the past and I can't do anything to change it now. However, I can use my experience to inform every single person who views this site, whether they are holier than thou or have done some pretty nasty things in their life, you have the opportunity to change direction. This doesn't mean you change who you are, but you can redirect your life and make something of it. I am speaking from experience. It takes a big man to stand up for himself in any circumstance, but it takes even a bigger man to look at himself in the mirror and say I don't like what I am doing with my life and I'm gonna change it, then follow it through.

Please enjoy my site and provide some feedback on what you would like to see. There is also a products page where you can get some gear you won't find anywhere else in the world. So surf away and cough up some cold hard Stan Cash. For now.......Via Con Dios, Amigos.